he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
