I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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