it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize
