got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
