Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
