is your mom at the bar?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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