I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
