Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
