walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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