She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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