May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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