haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
