I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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