I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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