I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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