Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want to fling myself into the sun
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
