This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
