WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
