Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
