Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
