so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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