I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
