There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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