She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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