if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
