i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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