But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
