Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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