The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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