yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
