Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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