Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
