That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
