my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
