I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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