I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's never too late to be topless.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
