Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
