You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
