you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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