Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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