I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
