Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
