I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
