friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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