The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
