Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
