When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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