Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
