garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
