Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
