I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
