Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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