at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
