you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize