From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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