No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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