Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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