i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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