Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
