i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
