I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
