Your tits are I can't wait for
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
