Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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