He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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