I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
