He uses pillows to masturbate.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
