The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
