Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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