We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
