Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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