Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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