captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
