Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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